terrible-awful-no-good-very-bad-day!

Today was a bad day...
and you may think i'm just venting
but believe it or not i hate inviting other people into my own private
anger sessions, especially when it is a bad day..

However for the sake of future study abroad students, i want to make a note of even the bad days
because they will happen
and it's so important that students know when they study abroad it will not always be like vacation...and sometimes there will be times when you really are just angry and frustrated and want to shout out loud...or sometimes you just want to go home

It's important to know that this happens so you know not to give up.

Today i celebrated Christmas early with some of the amazing Erasmus people in my dorm...i feel awful for not spending more time with them because they are so neat and each has such amazing qualities and all are so friendly and kind!

In any case, i had to duck out of the party early because i promised my friend i would go to her cousin's birthday party...

mistake? yes.

I end up sitting in a room where the music is much too loud and not too good and no one speaks a word to me, even when i try my best to use my awful turkish. I end up sitting for two hours and getting the bad end of Turkish hospitality...which is where they talk about you, point at you, and look at you but pretend like you are a statue and can neither hear or see them doing this.

It was humiliating....

but it serves to help me point out yet another fact...

There are times, especially if you go to the Eastern countries....from Middle East to China....where as a Westerner...usually very blonde girls and very dark skinned girls....where people will look at you.

When i say look, i mean stare...and i mean they might ask if they can take a picture with you...and you might for a moment feel like a celebrity because i am not exaggerating when i say you can feel every pair of eyes staring you down when you walk down a crowded road.

That being said...it isn't the intimidating or racisit staring that makes you feel like an unwelcome cockroach....it is curiosity...and honestly on a good day it made me feel like a goddess walking on earth and gracing the good people with my presence, but
on a bad day it felt like i was an unwelcome alien and i wanted to hide in my room and curse the world.

This is why i stress the importance of recognizing that you will have bad days when you study abroad...know that it is not a reason to give up (though it may be a reason to stay inside with a lot of chocolate and your favorite movies).

and i am saying all of this because i have experienced the kind of staring where a person is clearly thinking that you are not worth the gum on the bottom of their shoe and the kind of stares i have received here in Turkey are not like that at all.

I sincerely believe that i could be the first person of African descent some of them have seen in their lives...but i'm happy to give them a good impression, and smile and nod...or if they are brash enough to speak...i inform them that i am an American...and immidiately the curiosity is switched into high gear and the first question is "do you know Barak Obama?"

So my bad day today is almost over...and i will wake up tomorrow and hopefully the clouds will have gone away...

but for now....chocolate!

ciao
jessi